Watching someone you love send money to a person who does not exist is one of the most painful experiences a family member can go through. If you approach this situation with anger, accusations, or ultimatums, you will almost certainly push your loved one further toward the scammer. This guide provides a different path built around empathy, patience, and practical steps. For background on how these scams work, see our Romance Scams hub.

Why Romance Scam Victims Stay

Romance scammers invest weeks or months building what feels like a genuine, intimate relationship. By the time the first financial request comes, the victim is emotionally invested in a relationship that feels completely real. Accepting that the relationship is a scam means mourning every conversation and shared plan. Shame also plays a powerful role in maintaining denial.

What Not to Do

Do not say, "How could you fall for this?" This communicates blame and reinforces shame.

Do not issue ultimatums. The scammer's emotional bond is engineered to withstand this pressure.

Do not cut off contact. The scammer wants the victim isolated. Maintaining your presence keeps a lifeline open.

Do not take over their finances without permission. Unless there is a legal basis for intervention, this can damage trust.

Step 1: Start With Empathy, Not Evidence

The first conversation should begin with care, not evidence. Express that your concern comes from love, not judgment. Recommended starters: "I know this person means a lot to you. Can you tell me more about the relationship?" Listen more than you speak.

Step 2: Gather and Present Evidence Thoughtfully

Run a reverse image search on the scammer's profile photos. Check anti-scam databases. Document inconsistencies. Present findings calmly: "I found that this photo appears on several other profiles with different names." Leave evidence for them to review privately.

If you are unsure whether the messages or profile your loved one has shared match known scam patterns, check them with Scamwise. It is free and can help you present concrete evidence of the communication matching known romance scam patterns. You can also familiarize yourself with common romance scam scripts to recognize the language scammers typically use.

Step 3: Involve Trusted Third Parties

Consider bringing in a counselor or therapist, Adult Protective Services for older adults, the victim's bank for fraud alerts, or law enforcement for significant losses. Be transparent with your loved one whenever possible. If you are concerned about an older parent specifically, see our guide on why seniors are increasingly targeted by romance scams.

Step 4: Support Financial Recovery

Help them file fraud reports with the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and FBI IC3 at ic3.gov. Contact payment providers for potential reversals. If gift cards were used, contact the card issuer immediately — see our guide on romance scam gift cards for specific steps. Place fraud alerts on credit reports. Warn about recovery scams that target previous victims.

Step 5: Support Emotional Recovery

Connect them with support groups like the Cybercrime Support Network's free 10-week recovery program or AARP's Fraud Watch Network helpline at 877-908-3360. Encourage professional counseling. Be patient with the timeline. Help rebuild social connections.

Protecting Yourself as a Caregiver

Supporting someone through a romance scam is emotionally demanding. Set healthy boundaries. Seek support for yourself. Your role is to be a consistent, caring presence. Keep the door open, even when it feels like they are not listening.

Check Suspicious Messages With Scamwise

If you suspect a loved one is being targeted by a romance scammer, you can check the suspicious messages, profile information, or payment requests they have received by pasting them into Scamwise. It is free, instant, and can help you present concrete evidence that the communication matches known scam patterns. If you are trying to recognize red flags yourself, our guide on how to tell if an online partner is a scammer walks through the key warning signs in detail.